Oh hey there Internet, it’s been a while!
Two whole weeks, in fact. Cray.
The last few times I’ve intentionally stepped back from the blog (and social media in general) for this length of time, I’ve either been off on some really exciting adventure or somebody’s died.
Happy to say no-one’s dead; sad to say the most exciting adventure I’ve been on recently is a walk to the local chip shop for a sneaky little Saturday treat of chips and beans. And as much as I do love me a tray of potato-based goodness, it’s hardly worth a whole 1000-word dedication, ya know?
Jokes and potatoes aside, over the last few weeks I seem to have lost all motivation to do anything other eat, sleep, go to work and occasionally go for a midnight trip to the local 24-hour Tesco to buy a pomegranate.
I haven’t been active on the blog, I haven’t been active on Instagram (huge deal, I bloody love Instagram) and I haven’t been active on other people’s blogs, either. Meaning I haven’t read any. At all. Which sucks because catching up on what’s going on in other people’s lives is ordinarily my favourite thing to do when I’m lazing about in bed in the morning.
And all of this — my complete absence from social media, lack of inspiration in doing anything and general whatever attitude — can all be attributed to loneliness and isolation, brought on by a bizarre fixation with social media and virtual popularity.
Those bloody blue ticks on WhatsApp and ‘Seen by‘ on Facebook have become the bane of my existence.
It’s actually quite embarrassing.
I mean, there comes a point when you really need to step back and take a good hard look at your life if you start questioning your worth depending on how fast your friends reply to your message.
But with that being said, it really says something when a dancing avocado gets a quicker response than your cry of “Hello, I am going crazy and need social interaction before I become a house plant“.
I’m not going to harp on about something I don’t even know how to explain so, to summarise: over the past few weeks, I’ve begun to seriously lose my faith in people.
Both in general and closer to home.
The state of the world is atrocious right now. All the terrorism, the murder and the downright crazy political situations we’ve got going on.
The state of my life is a bit wobbly, too. A company owes me a heck of a lot of money and is taking their sweet time paying up. I’m currently working 2 zero-hour contracts and a freelance job just to scrape together just enough to pay my rent (can anyone say financial instability?!), and I’m still coming to terms with the fact my mother isn’t here anymore. Because believe it or not, and contrary to what seems like popular belief, it takes longer than a couple of weeks to get over someone dying. It doesn’t matter how long you had to mentally prepare for it in the first place.
In short, I’d honestly started to consider packing up and going to live in a Yurt in Outer Mongolia. But just as I was about to hit ‘Purchase’ on that one-way ticket, a few things happened in relatively quick succession.
First of all, I got a postcard from the lovely LC (Birdgehls) all the way in Australia with a short but sweet message that really, really made me smile. Then, I got a few emails from JustGiving to let me know I’d received some donations towards my fundraising page — from LC, Chiera (Young and Undecided) and 2 others I haven’t quite managed to pinpoint yet (but I will because I’m a super sleuth).
Then, my best friend in the whole wide world (read: India) got back from his 5-day retreat finding himself in the wilderness, and it was so so good to feel like I had someone there, on my side, again. Then, I got a bloody lovely and completely out-of-the-blue email from Kia (Aspire to Amble) which, just like LC’s postcard, really made me smile.
And finally (and this may be the most bizarre of them all), I read Amy’s first pregnancy post and it got me all weepy and smiley because good things do happen to good people, and even though the world is pretty crap right now, babies are still being born and that is good because babies are innocent and we need more innocence to balance out the evil.
In just this one weekend, my faith in people has kind of been somewhat restored. There are nice people, they do exist and granted, most of them are on the Internet and about a gazillion miles away, but does it really matter?
I like people again. The Internet is fantastic. Little things mean a lot. The End.