Getting Back in the Game (of Life, Blogging & Planes)

So that’s a bit of a half-assed title really, especially as I never actually left the game, whatever game it is I’m speaking of. But I didn’t know what else to call it so yeah, that’s life.

Now before I go into saying anything pointless, let me just say something point-ful.

Thank you.

Thank you to everybody who commented on my last post, sent me lovely messages privately through my email, Facebook page or Instagram, or just read what I had to say.

From the bottom of my heart, thank you. It means more than I can describe. None of you ever met my mother (unless my brother read the post then duh, of course he met her) but she really was someone very special, someone worth remembering, and to know that there are people out there in far-flung corners of the globe who were thinking of her, who know of her… well, that’s nice.

So again, thank you.

For obvious reasons I took some time out of the online world over the past few weeks. I should rephrase that. I took some time out of being vocal on the online world over the past few weeks. I was still here the whole time, bumbling along in a silent lurker kind of way, reading other blogs, reading the comments on my blog and cyber-stalking everyone and their next door neighbours, I just wasn’t really saying anything.

And it wasn’t because I had nothing to say because I did, and I have.

It’s just… I don’t know, it sounds really stupid but I didn’t know how people would react to me carrying on with sharing my unnaturally strong love of pierogi, travel tales and pretty irrelevant anecdotes from my life what with everything going on.

I didn’t want people to think I wasn’t grieving.

Because I was, and I still am.

Just not in the traditional sense, the kind you see on majorly overdramatic made-for-TV movies where everyone wears black and sobs into their cornflakes every morning. I’m not the greatest when it comes to talking about feelings and emotions and all that icky stuff unless there’s food involved, so forgive me if this whole entire post just comes across as a heap of word vomit.

Have you seen Inside Out?

Well if you haven’t WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN DOING WITH YOUR LIFE?!

It’s great. Bloody fantastic. Anger is my favourite – so much so that I have my own little Anger action figure thing on my bedside table because who doesn’t wanna wake up to an angry little red plastic man staring them in the face?!

Anyway, I’ve lost my Anger. And my Fear, and my Sadness and my Disgust.

When I say I’ve lost them, they’re probably still in there somewhere but are just taking some well-deserved downtime. And I don’t blame them to be honest.

See, IRL I can be kind of hot-headed. I get angry at the slightest things. If somebody cuts in front of me in a queue, I will go home, I will make a voodoo doll of them and I will stick pins in their head. Anger is my spirit animal.

Other than rice pudding, not many things actually scare me (I’m being legit – it makes me cry), but I have been pretty vocal in the past when it comes to fear of failure and embarrassment holding me (and everybody else) back. Fear hasn’t had a particularly large presence in my life these past few years, but it’s definitely been there.

Sadness is another, like Fear, that hasn’t had much control over me where I haven’t let it control me. To put it in simple terms, my mental health is pretty sound. I haven’t ever suffered with anxiety or depression, and touch wood I never will. But with all that being said, I can be pretty emosh. I get way too invested in fictional characters, and I’m not ashamed to say I’ve spent many a night agonising over the thought of George having to live without Fred for the rest of his life.

And Disgust? Well, is there really anybody out there who can say the thought of sticking their hand in a full washing up bowl that’s been left to fester overnight to unclog the plug doesn’t disgust them?

But now? I don’t cry, I don’t get angry, I don’t think twice about doing things, and on Friday night I picked up a potato that was so old it’d turned into a ball of what can only be described as black hell. Covered in flies, smelling worse than a sewer, and I picked it up without a second thought. Run at me Disgust.

Joy is still hanging about and she’s bigger and bolder than ever before. The littlest things make me so much happier than they would have before! My little sister gave me a packet of Skittles the other day and when I asked why she said “for generosity and kindness“. You’d think at fifteen years old she’d have a better grasp of the English language than that but yeah, it made me so freaking happy!

It’s weird. It’s a strange feeling. In the absence of Anger, Fear, Sadness and Disgust, it’s almost as if Joy has taken it upon herself to make up for their absence by working 5 times as hard as before.

Good old Joy.

To summarise: yes, I am grieving, but I’m also okay.

Eventually my good friends Anger, Fear, Sadness and Disgust will come back to party, but for now me and Joy are more than content to scoff all the mini pizzas ourselves.

So these last 500 words or so have basically been an extremely long-winded and unashamedly Disney-oriented way of saying that I’m here, present and accounted for and there will be more content coming very, very soon.

I have a lot more to share from my recent trip to Poland although I’m not exactly in the right sort of mindset to somehow form my thoughts and feelings about my visit to Auschwitz into coherent writing, so that may be put on the back burner for a little while longer.

 Also, I’m going to Croatia on Tuesday. Well, no, I’m going to Berlin on Tuesday to fly to Montenegro on Thursday to eventually end up in Dubrovnik at some point in the following days. But yeah, Croatia is ultimately the end goal. Game of Thrones, pretty looking streets and slightly less rain than blistery old Wales – I. Am. Excited.

If anyone has any Croatia recommendations (or Montenegro while you’re at it), throw them my way!

I also think we should all take a moment to sit and appreciate how colour-coordinated this post is 😉

Follow:
Share:

15 Comments

  1. 20th February 2017 / 8:39 am

    Firstly, if you can get there Kotor in Montenegro is hands down one of the prettiest places I have ever been. The old town is like a mini Dubrovnik and it’s so quaint and you can go swimming in the bay and it’s just epic. Also I was gutted that I didn’t get to spend more time in the capital Zagreb in croatia so if you get there deffo spend more than a day!

    Secondly and most importantly, I wanted to comment on your last post but found I didn’t know what to say or indeed know whether you’d even appreciate a comment from someone you’ve never met and never knew you’re gorgeous mum. Just want to say it’s amazing how you seem to be dealing with everything and to be able to gain some positive out of such a dark time for you and your family. Joy should always win and I bet your mum would absolutely love you to carry on writing your blog regardless.
    Lots of love x

    • rhiydwi
      22nd February 2017 / 12:50 pm

      I’m flying into Podgorica tomorrow and plan to skip it altogether to spend a couple nights in Kotor instead! It was actually your post about it (I think!) that made me add it to my already kind of squished itinerary. And the fact that my grandmother told me there’s lots of stray cats there, and everyone knows how hard it is for me to avoid potential rabies disasters. As for Zagreb, I wasn’t going to go there because I’m flying home from Ljubljana but now I so want to! Everyone keeps suggesting it, and that must mean it’s pretty snazzy like.

      Aww thank you. I totally get why you didn’t comment though – I’m the same when I don’t actually like ‘know’ somebody in real life and shitty stuff happens to them. But either way, I super appreciate your comments now xx

  2. 20th February 2017 / 11:04 am

    It’s good to have you back, voicing your thoughts in the online world. You have been missed.
    I know what you mean, all the feels about Fred and George. How could one survive without the other?! Almost as bad as Dobby’s death.
    Enjoy your trip! I have a friend who spends winters in Croatia – want me to ask her for tips?

    • rhiydwi
      22nd February 2017 / 12:47 pm

      Oh god don’t get me thinking of Dobby now!!
      Ooh yes please, if you can! I still have a few days before I get there but most suggestions online are very summer-focused and I don’t think it’s summer there right now.

      • 26th February 2017 / 3:36 am

        She said go wine tasting or truffle hunting, the national parks are frozen but gorgeous, you can go skiing or snow shoeing and to visit the castles as they’re mainly empty. Yes, it seems inundated in the summer but I rarely hear of anyone going during the winter! Have fun.

        • rhiydwi
          26th February 2017 / 4:52 pm

          Ahh thank you! I’m in Dubrovnik now (got here yesterday) and it’s surreal how empty everything is! Barely any tourists and most of the shops/restaurants/cafes closed, although I don’t know if that’s more to do with it being off-season or a Sunday..

  3. 20th February 2017 / 2:10 pm

    Nice to have you back! I’ve been thinking about you since your last post. Glad to hear you’re looking forwards. Croatia definitely needs to be Dubrovnik, and although it’s often overlooked because it’s not near the sea I really like the capital Zagreb. It was quirky, and cool. I particularly liked the museum of broken relationships!

    • rhiydwi
      22nd February 2017 / 12:46 pm

      Zagreb wasn’t really on my itinerary, only because I’m flying home from Ljubljana on March 9th and figured I wouldn’t have enough time to squeeze it in! Everybody keeps suggesting it now though so I may have to do a little rearranging. The have a museum with the same name in LA! Quite fancied it but didn’t go there because of the extortionate entry fee.

  4. 20th February 2017 / 2:22 pm

    Ahh I can’t wait to hear about Croatia – we’re off to Dubrovnik for 2 weeks in June. More of a chilled break mixed with a little bit of city exploring but still, it’d be great to hear some tips.

    Glad to hear you’re ‘on the right track’ as cringe as that sounds. Love the Inside Out references… I haven’t seen it all but on one of our travels (I believe Prague, back in May) it was in TV as we were getting ready to leave for a fancy meal. I managed to drag it out as long as possible but never made it to the fin’. Need to catch up on it. The animations remind me of the colourful scenes in Wreck It Ralph. I must point out that I’m not normally a Disney-watcher!

    • rhiydwi
      22nd February 2017 / 12:52 pm

      Oh wow! I’ll only be in Dubrovnik for a few days at most but I’ll be sure to scout out some good uns for you 😉
      Thank you! I’m happy to be ‘on the right track’ haha. Oh man, you need to watch it all! It’s the best! Disney Pixar are absolutely destroying traditional Disney these days with the likes of Wreck-it Ralph and Inside Out (and Big Hero 6, how could I forget?!). My stepdad isn’t a big cartoon man but I’ve caught him getting sucked into all of the above once in a while.

  5. 21st February 2017 / 2:22 pm

    Dubrovnik:) and Split and Trogir aren’t far away:) if you’ve got more time go to Krka waterfalls:) or even all the way to Zagreb:) or visit the carnival parade in Rijeka this Sunday:)

    • rhiydwi
      22nd February 2017 / 12:44 pm

      I’ll be too far away to make it to Rijeka on Sunday but I’ll definitely try and make it to all the rest! Haven’t heard of Trogir yet though..

    • 1st March 2017 / 10:34 am

      Hey I’ll be there in Dubronvik this coming month for a business meet, luckily stumbled upon your article RHIYDWI, this will really help me out when I get free from my work and will get to these places for sure.

  6. 23rd February 2017 / 10:18 am

    I appreciated the colour co-ordination and Disney references. I still haven’t seen Inside Out and I don’t know why or WTF I have been doing with my life. No one I read can put things across in such a relatable way as you, so I always enjoy your posts.

    I think getting out and traveling is exactly what I would do and I’m excited to hear you’re going on more adventures. I’ve always wanted to visit Croatia so can’t wait to read your posts and look at your photos. I’m craving somewhere hot at the moment so it might inspire me to jump on a plane and go!

    Have an amazing time x

    Amy – http://amyevans.blog

  7. 1st March 2017 / 4:27 pm

    I’m understanding what you trying to convey, sometimes its good to be loud on sharing about inner thoughts rather than just discussing every time all those pre structured traditional way of living.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *